If One Had Lived
by SufferingStarlight
Summary: An AU about what it might be like if only one of Harry's parents had survived. A sort of bittersweet description of Harry's first time at Platform 9 3/4 with both parents. Chapter one is Lily, and Chapter two is James. Chapter 3 is both of them. Please read A/N inside for more info.
1. Lily

**A/N: PLEASE READ! So this is another fic inspired by a dream. I had a dream my mother was Lily Potter and I was Harry and Lily had survived but James ( also my father somehow) had made the sacrifice. In the dream I found an old bracelet with the Marauders initials on it, and gave it to Lily, and she began to cry. When I woke I had such a strong feeling of sorrow. I imagined what it might be like if one of Harry's parents had lived, as it is so often theorized about what it would've been like if they'd both lived. Technically for the magic to work, only one of them would've needed to sacrifice themselves. Stunning Lily and running to protect Harry does sound like something James would do. You'll notice there are a few differences other than just Harry's mom being alive. First is that Sirius is included, and not in Azkaban, this is because if Lily had survived I don't think he would've gone after Peter. He would've been sad, but the survival of Lily and Harry would've been enough to anchor him down, and convince him he didn't need to go on a mission for Peter. So I imagine he would've talked to Dumbledore and Remus, and been able to make people realize he hadn't been the secret keeper. Remus of course would be a big part of Harry's life as well. Also I think Harry would know more people like the Weasleys and Longbottoms from a young age, I mean Lily** _ **was**_ **in the Order with them so they would've been able to support her. By Longbottoms I mean Neville's grandmother of course, and I think then that Harry would've known Neville before Hogwarts. Also Harry might seem a bit softer, this is because I truly believe if Lily parented him alone, this is how it would be. They would cling to one another as they would be all each other had, Harry would be a big mama's boy, Lily would be overly protective. I know some of Harry's lines and tears seem a bit out of character as he almost never cried in the series, but he hasn't been hardened by the Dursleys in this AU, so I believe his emotions would be more encouraged. You also have to realize Harry is eleven so a few tears is more than acceptable. Also my least favorite thing about this is I had to alter how First Years are accepted. I know Hagrid doesn't greet them at Kings Cross, but I needed to add him in for a couple of segways into other sections, so sorry about that inaccuracy. I hope you enjoy this, I will be uploading a James version ASAP.**

"Mum," Harry pushed up his glasses, and fixed Hedwig's cage on the trolley. "Do you see Ron?" Harry asked.

"No love," Lily said looking around, searching for a family with hair similar to hers. The two similar eyed brits surveyed King's Cross Station. Suddenly Harry noticed a mass of ginger heads bobbing through the station.

"There they are!" Harry smiled, eyes asking if he could go to them. Lily nodded with a gentle smile. Harry left his overflowing trolley with his mother, and ran off to his friend.

"Ron!" Harry called wildly.

"Harry!" Ron exclaimed. They exchanged a hug, clapping one another on the back.

"Heya Harry," The Twins said in unison. Harry glanced up with a bright grin. Harry looked up to Fred, and George like they were his own siblings. Ron of course, was like his brother as well. In fact the whole lot of the Weasleys were like a second family to Harry. Even Percy, Ron's rather anal older brother, could be quite affectionate on occasion.

"Nervous Harry?" Charlie asked with smile.

"Little bit," Harry said, digging his foot into the floor.

"About your scar?" Ron asked worriedly. Harry nodded. The lightning bolt shaped scar that dawned Harry's forehead was always the first thing that people noticed about Harry, wherever he went. This mark was left by the most dangerous dark wizard, Lord Voldemort. This mark was all that was left after the Dark Lord had used the killing curse on Harry as a baby. The only reason he was still standing here was because of his father. In a desperate attempt to save Harry, James Potter, had clutched Harry to him, and refused to move aside for Voldemort. This had enacted a deep magic that Voldemort hadn't known about. Because of Harry's father's sacrifice, Harry and his mother lived on.

"Don't worry Harry, anyone bothers ya," Fred grinned impishly, grabbing one of his arms.

"We'll hex em!" George finished grabbing his other arm. Harry grinned through the jostling. The Twins blathered on and on about what'd they'd do to any sorry sap that would dare mess with Harry.

"You will do no such thing!" Mrs. Weasley had finally overheard their claims. "Hello Harry dear!" she came over to hug him.

"I see he found you" Harry heard his mother's voice.

"Yes he did, hello Lily," Mrs. Weasley, said making her way through her family to Lily. Lily gave Molly a huge hug. Though the women were very different in age, they were close friends. Lily had been taken in by Molly for a while after James had died. It'd been small and cramped, but of course Molly and Arthur had made room for the poor witch and her infant son. Harry had soon become fast friends with Ron, who was only about six months old at the time. For a year the two had lived at the small Weasley house, as Lily was a bit traumatized, and didn't want to live on her own. Thankfully, Lily had more than enough money to help Molly and Arthur out with some of their bills, and expenses of the two extra people living in their home.

When Lily had gotten her own home, she'd decided to live near the Weasley's since Harry and Ron were already such good friends. So Harry had really grown up with the Weasley's as a second family. Today was a day Harry and Ron had been fantasizing about for ages. In fact Harry had his letter hanging in his room.

"Oh Lily, you look wonderful, that dress is stunning!" Mrs. Weasley said in awe. Harry's mother had dressed up for this day quite nicely. Her dress literally shone like gold, and seemed to move like waves of an ocean. Small specks of forest green and plum purple were scattered here and there in the backless dress. Harry knew it was made out of some special material, but he wasn't sure what; he just knew his mother had dressed up, because she thought this was a very special occasion.

"You alright there Fred?" Ron challenged his brother suddenly as Lily did a twirl, and laughed.

"Shut up!" Fred snarled, face very red. George was laughing so hard he had to clutch Fred's shoulder to keep upright. Fred pushed him off, making George fall, yet that didn't deter the young ginger. George was still laughing on the marble floor of the train station.

"What's this all about," Harry whispered to Ron.

"Fred fancies your mum!" Ron said, eyes sparkling.

"What!" Harry said in disgust.

"Yeah we found out last night," Ron was practically squealing with delight, happy to finally have something on Fred, that Fred actually cared if he ratted about.

"How?" Harry asked, slightly intrigued, slightly grossed out.

"George and I pranked him!" Ron grinned. "Mom made butterbeer to celebrate me going to Hogwarts, and Fred said he wasn't feeling well, so he was in his room. George nicked a light truth potion from Mum's cabinet, and put some in Fred's drink, and we brought it up to him. It was hilarious! We couldn't get him to shut up for hours!"

"I'm pretty sure what you did was illegal!" Snapped Fred menacingly. "I could have you arrested."

"Oh yeah, and trying to shove me upstairs with the ghoul afterward wasn't illegal at all!" Ron retorted quickly. George was still cackling.

"Hey Mrs. Potter!" George called through his giggles, Harry noticed his eyes were wet with tears of mirth. Lily turned, and smiled at George.

"Fred wants to say something to you," He grinned, and Fred looked murderous. Fred stayed silent, and Lily cocked her head to the side.

"Well go on then Fred, we haven't got all day!" His mother prompted exasperatedly.

"I just uh," Fred scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "You look nice in your dress."

"Thanks love," Lily beamed. As soon as she turned her head, Fred knocked George upside the head. George didn't even mind the pain.

"She's a widow Fred, how could you!" George demanded in hushed tones. Ron immediately turned to Harry with a worried expression, nervous his brothers had gone to far. Harry just shrugged, he didn't particularly like the joke, but he wasn't going to make a huge deal about it. Ron rolled his eyes, as if to communicate to Harry that he was on his side no matter what.

"Oi, boys!" Mrs Weasley clapped her hands. "We'd better get going."

Her sons nodded. They all lined up in order of ages, Charlie in front of course, next Percy, then the Twins, Ron, then on the end was Harry. The two mothers stood to the side, to block their children from view as they ran at the wall.

"Where's Ginny?" Harry asked Mrs. Weasley.

"Oh the poor dear was feeling ill, Arthur is at home with her now. I haven't the faintest idea what she could've come down with so fast."

"Oh no!" Lily said worriedly. "Well Arthur shouldn't take the whole day off, I can stay with her," Lily offered.

"Oh love could you?" Molly said eyes shining with gratitude. "Because Arthur has a big meeting tomorrow, and he'd really love to be in at work, just to prepare."

"Of course, I can watch her for as long as you need," Lily said with a gentle smile.

"Thank you dear, I won't be too far away, I just need to run some errands," Molly explained.

"Harry we're next," Ron said, breaking Harry's attention away from the women's conversation. It may have sounded dumb, but Harry admired his mother for small things like that. His mother was always reliable, always a good friend, and wonderful person. He loved his mother, and he was especially happy she wouldn't be alone today. It would be the first time in Harry's entire life that he would be without his mother for longer than an a night. Because of his past, Harry's mother was rather protective of him, and honestly Harry didn't mind. He didn't like when people went on about it, but he was a big mamma's boy. They were all each other had sometimes, they depended on one another. The longest he'd been away from his mother was to have a sleepover at the Weasley's, and even then sometimes she'd sneak in the Burrow, late at night, to sleep on their couch; just to be in the same house Harry was.

The two young boys took a running start, clutching their trolleys. They ran at the place just three quarter past platform nine. They went through the wall easily, and arrived in a secret train station with a large, red, huffing train, whistling, and ready to take students to Hogwarts as it did every year. Harry and Ron's mother appeared behind them. The rest of the boys had already gotten on the train. They had about five minutes according to a large hairy man that was screaming "FERST YEARS! IN FIVE MINUTES, REPORT TER ME, FERST YEARS, FIVE MINUTES!"

"Mum is that Hagrid? The grounds keeper?" Harry asked his mother. She nodded, smiling at Harry.

"He's going to show you how to board the train and everything, it's for the more nervous students. Then when you get there you'll follow him out as well, he's in charge of first-years."

Harry had wanted to know about all the teachers at Hogwarts when he'd received his letter. From what he understood some of them had taught his parents, and Harry always wanted to know about anything pertaining to his father. He was most looking forward to meeting Headmaster Dumbledore, whom Lily had raved about when he'd asked. He was very nervous about meeting Severus Snape. His mother had cautioned him about Snape.

Apparently long ago, James had been horrible to Snape, and Lily had been Snape's friend. As Snape turned to the dark arts, his and Lily's friendship had dissolved. James had become a better person, and Lily had fallen in love with him. Snape had continued to work for Voldemort, and Lily hadn't spoken to him ever again, however a few years ago she'd heard he'd been hired at Hogwarts, as the Potions Teacher. She'd decided if Dumbledore could trust him she could too, but now that her son was going to be his student, she wasn't so sure. She'd mentioned to Harry that how he looked may be a problem for him, as he was almost identical to James except for his eyes. Snape would probably not take kindly to the boy who looked so similar to the man he'd hated. She'd told Harry to alert her immediately if he had any problems with Snape. Harry had said he would, but couldn't imagine how a grown man could be so spiteful and immature that he would hold a grudge this long, and after his father was dead as well.

"Harry, love, I'm going to miss you terribly," Lily said, and Harry noticed she wore a melancholy smile.

"I'll miss you too Mum," Harry said, and was surprised to find himself choking up.

"I just wish your dad," She cut herself off, and bit her lip. He saw her look away, trying desperately not to cry. Harry felt his heart break a little. Every time his mother cried, it affected him badly, thankfully, his mother didn't cry often. He felt his lip tremble, and he went red, embarrassed that her tears still affected him this way. He was thankful they were slightly removed from the rest of the crowd, not to mention, people were much too concerned with their own problems to care.

He heard his mother sigh deeply. She tried to pretend she was fixing her hair, but he knew she was really wiping her eyes. She turned back to him, with her consistent, brave face. Her slightly red eyes were the only give away that she wasn't completely okay.

"You just look so much like him," She said, running a hand down his face.

"Except for my eyes," Harry reminded her.

"Yes, love, you have my eyes," She said, nuzzling her nose with him quickly. He pretended to be embarrassed, but really he felt warmth fill his heart. He was proud to have his mother's eyes. He was ashamed to admit it, but sometimes he wished that he looked more like his mother. If he didn't look so identical to his dead father maybe his mother wouldn't cry so much, maybe he wouldn't catch Uncle Remus staring at him sadly, maybe Uncle Sirius wouldn't drink so much fire whisky after he accidentally called Harry "James."

"Alright love, I think you should go on to Hagrid, and tell him hi for me," She said softly, and kissed his head, right on his scar. Harry often felt self-conscious about his scar, like it was a constant reminder to his mother that he was the reason her husband was gone. When Lily had heard that she'd bundled him up her arms and kissed his scar over and over. She'd explained that it wasn't repulsive, it wasn't a reminder, it was a part of him, and she loved him, so she loved his scar. Ever since then, she made a pointed effort to kiss his forehead whenever she could, to remind him, he was not to blame, and she loved him no matter what.

"Bye Mum," Harry said, wrapping his arms around her. She hugged him tightly. He then, realized his luggage had been taken, and he ran towards Hagrid. Hagrid, beamed at him, beetle-black eyes shining. Hagrid had a lantern in hand, it reminded Harry of something, it reminded him of….All Hallows Eve. He stopped in his tracks, he felt his body go rigid, and cold. He spun around, running back to his mother at full speed.

Harry crashed into Lily with the full weight of his skinny body, and clutched at her desperately. He buried his head in the skirt of her dress.

"Harry, dear, what's the matter," His mother sounded alarmed.

"I can't go, I can't go, I can't go!" He said over and over into her dress. She kneeled down to his level, and held his tear filled face her hands.

"Oh love, you're shaking!" She said. "And white as a sheet, why can't you go?"

"B-Because, I can't' leave you alone," He said softly.

"Honey we've been over this, I'll be fi-" She began, but Harry wouldn't let her finish.

"I can't leave you alone on All Hallows Eve!" He almost shouted, he breathed heavily, as if the words had been an effort to say. Lily's face went pale.

Lily Evans Potter was not a weak person, she was incredibly strong. She was like a rock, being constantly beaten by ocean waves. Though the waves left cracks on her hardened exterior, they were always hidden. There was only one exception to this rule, one day she allowed herself to lose control. That day, was All Hallows Eve, the day her husband had been killed by Voldemort.

Ever since Harry could remember, that date had been a dark day. She would always tell Harry the day before that he was allowed to do whatever he liked the next day, he could stay up as late as he pleased, eat all the sweets he wanted, go sleepover at the Weasley's or at either of his uncle's houses. Harry always refused, and she didn't push him. She made meals in advance, and gave him whatever he might need, because that day he didn't see her at all. He supposed when he was young, she would've asked Molly to watch him.

That day she stayed hauled up in her room. Harry's mother would take out absolutely every article she owned that pertained to James, including his glasses, that she herself had removed from his dead body. The next day she would have marks on her hands where she'd clutched the glasses so hard, they'd bit into her skin. For the entire day, she'd cry. Harry never saw her on October 31st, but he heard her, oh God did he hear her. Her wails would resound through the house, her voice breaking over and over again on the same word. "James."

He would hear her choke on her own sobs, and not be able to do anything about it. He doubted that he would even see her if he did enter the room, he knew she probably covered herself in his father's old invisibility cloak, which she had kindly given to him just yesterday, as a "first day of school" gift. She had an incredible amount of stamina as she cried for about ten hours straight, she never ran out of tears, or stopped. It was if her tears were in honor of James, as though she might feel like she wasn't doing his memory justice if she didn't put her all into her grief.

This one day was when the tables were turned, for Harry did not cry when his mother did on this day. Though his heart ached beyond belief, he would not let himself cry as well. He kept himself dry-eyed, laying on the floor in his room's door way, with his feet on the wall. He waited, surrounded by different supplies. He had multiple sandwiches on a plate, a large goblet of water, pain relieving potions, and a box of tissues He waited, just in case she might open her door a crack and say, "Harry dear, could you grab me a tissue, I've run out" or anything similar. He wanted to be available in case she needed absolutely anything, especially a shoulder to cry on. She never did though, but Harry would not leave, for he knew one day, she might need something, and he had to be there to give it to her.

When she had about two hours left, she usually passed out at ten, she would open the firewhiskey. He could hear the bottles clanging, and then came the even more heartbreaking moments. She would talk to his father, her words slurred, and her head spinning, she would tell him so many things. Her voice would be so hoarse, that it was almost unrecognizable, but she never stopped. She'd tell him how much she missed him, how Lupin and Sirius were doing, except to him she called them Mooney and Padfoot. She'd tell him how much of a help Molly was, how wonderful the Weasley children were for Harry. She talked about the other children she would've wanted to have with him. Like a little girl with his gentle eyes. This never made Harry feel jealous or unwanted, just mournful for a sister he might've had.

This last time she'd talked to him about how Harry was approaching Hogwarts age. She told him, sending him off alone would be one of the hardest things she'd ever done. She told him how wonderful Harry was, how proud he would be. That speech was always when it was hardest for Harry to keep his tears in, because he wished his father could see him, talk to him, be here.

After she passed out, exhausted from sorrow, Harry would finally put away his supplies, and get into bed. Though, he wouldn't go to sleep quite yet, now was his turn to mourn. He'd take out old photographs of his father, and a scarf of his that his mother had given him. He would then cry and mourn the loss of a father he'd never known. A lot of his crying of course was for his mother, who was so sad, because Harry had never met his father. He was sure without his resemblance, and the photo album he owned, he wouldn't even be able to conjure up his father's face. He would cry out of anger, anger a Voldemort, and sometimes anger at himself. Often he struggled with blaming himself though his mother, and his uncles told him time and time over, that he was not to blame. Sometimes he believed it, sometimes he didn't. On that night he usually didn't.

As he cried he wished so much that he could go into his mother's room and crawl in her bed, like he usually did when he was sad. Tonight was the one night a year he wouldn't be hugged when he cried. Usually if Lily even sensed tears, she swoop him up and hug him tight. He couldn't even imagine what it would've been like if both his parents had died, if there was no one to hug him ever. He couldn't fathom how much more sadness he would've had to endure if his father hadn't stunned his mother, and ran up the stairs to protect Harry. If they both had died, he didn't know how he would function, so he could bare that one night of loneliness, for his mother who needed some time to herself.

The next morning, Harry would always knock gently, and she would welcome him in. He would bring her cold compresses for her swollen eyes, sometimes so puffy that she had trouble opening them. He would bring her tea with a potion for a sore throat mixed in. She always pretend as if nothing were wrong, like he didn't know what had happened. She'd feed him the same line every time.

"Oh, must've caught a cold overnight," She'd say in a weak voice, covering the tops of the firewhiskey bottles with her duvet. The first time she'd said it, Harry had almost protested, until he'd seen her eyes. Her eyes begging him not to mention it, so he never did. He'd just joke and say he hoped he didn't get it aswell. She would go back to being the rock he needed after that, never once breaking, never once faltering, but she couldn't possibly do it alone. No one would wake her up the next morning with comfort food, and a warm hug. She'd be alone, alone with her thoughts, free to repeat that night over and over if she pleased, as Harry wasn't in the house. He couldn't leave her alone, he wouldn't leave her alone.

"Sweetie," Lily said slowly, trying to calm her quietly crying son. "It isn't your job to worry about me, I want you to go have a good time at school and-"

"I won't leave you!" Harry vowed savagely, and clung to her arms with surprising strength. She sighed.

"Stubborn like your father," She mumbled, and Harry's heart leaped with a moment of pleasure. He loved being compared to his father, but soon he was back to adamantly proclaiming he would not leave his mother.

"I will not go even if Headmaster Dumbledore himself tries to pry me away!" Harry was almost yelling.

"Well!" Lily said a little harshly. "Dumbledore isn't making you, your mother is!"

"I-" Harry had shrunk a bit.

"Listen Harry, I know you're scared about leaving me, I'm scared about leaving you, but we're going to be okay, alright love."

"But!" Harry tried again.

"Look this was going to be a surprise, but Uncle Remus is going to come live with us. He's been having some trouble finding work, so he's going to stay with us for a year or so," Lily told him, Harry brightened.

"Uncle Remus? Really?" He said excitedly.

"Yes, now I want you to trot over to that train, Hagrid and Ron are waiting," She demanded. Harry felt slightly better now. He was still going to write her every week, but now he knew she would be able to face it if she had a friend.

"Okay Mum," He agreed and hugged her one last time. He ran off to Hagrid, who was showing first-years which compartment he could get into. Just as Harry entered the train Neville pushed past him, chasing what looked like a toad.

"Hey Neville!" Harry called.

"Oh, hey Harry!" He squeaked. "Save a seat for me, I've got to catch Trevor!"

"Will do!" Harry called after. After a moment he heard Ron calling from a few compartments ahead. Harry rushed there quickly. Harry entered the compartment to find a bushy haired girl sitting in the seat next to Ron.

"I'm Hermione Granger," The girl introduced herself, throwing a hand rather aggressive towards Harry. Ron gave him a wide eyed look as if to say,"Sorry I don't know what her deal is."

"I'm Harry Pott-" he began, but she'd seen the scar.

"Holy cricket, you're Harry Potter!" She exclaimed. Harry didn't have time to respond, because the train began to move. Harry rushed to the window to wave one final goodbye to his mother. Her gentle face smiled at him, as she waved vigorously, and followed the train as far as she could. Harry sat back into his seat, he was excited for his first year of Hogwarts, and he was happy he had his mother whenever he needed her.


	2. James

**A/N: So this is the second part of "If One Had Lived." I feel like I didn't do too well on this, idk I feel like they're out of character, but it's hard to imagine how grief would mix with James's mischevious and fun nature. In all honesty I doubt they'd all live together for eleven years, but I thought the idea was really cute, so I went with it. Sorry that they seem OOC, I just got this idea in my head and started writing. Due to the many requests I will be doing a third installment where they both live. That one will probably be a bit shorter. Obviously there's no rule about there being four Marauders at all time. Also the group didn't KNOW Peter was betraying them till the last minute so Lily would've been a Marauder for all of five minutes by my logic. I know this doesn't add up, but I thought the idea was cute. I know Harry's nickname sucks and doesn't really have to do with an animal, but I couldn't think of anything that did, since they wouldn't know his patronus yet. I also wanted the name to be a link to his mother, and they both have green eyes so that's why I picked it. I know it's stupid, but I really couldn't think of anything else. Another thing, I don't know if the whole taping the map and saying the incantation would be considered magic out of school. I'm going to assume not for the purpose of this fic. Also, last thing, if you've ever left a comment for me and I didn't respond, I'm so sorry, I just figured out you can respond. For some reason I didn't know they had that feature, so I will be going through and responding, just know I'm very thankful for all the support**

Harry was awoken again by a dream involving a bright green light. Unfortunately, this always put him a depressed mood. The green light was the remnant of a memory that he couldn't even remember experiencing. The night his mother had been murdered by Lord Voldemort. He stared at his ceiling, and sighed sadly. Today was supposed to be exciting, he didn't want anything to ruin it.

Harry supposed it was time to get up anyway, from the light beaming in his window. His large room looked a bit more empty than usual. A lot of his very special things had been packed away in suitcases for Hogwarts.

Harry jumped out of his four-poster, and ran down stairs. He heard a sound of clattering plates, and curse words. Presumably his father was trying to cook. Harry frowned as he heard a plate break. His father was usually agile, and quick on his feet. Harry had often accidentally let something slip from his fingers, and his father could catch it in his wand beam before it splintered on the floor.

"Dad," Harry called.

"Oh hello Harry, just making breakfast," James smiled at his son from the stove.

"Blueberry pancakes?" Harry asked excitedly.

"You know it buddy," His father winked. Harry noticed something different in his father's eyes today. He looked ill, like Uncle Remus sometimes did. His eyes had dark circles clinging to them, and his face was especially pale. His hair was even more unruly than usual, tangled in knots that Harry imagined his father would be cursing about later when he tried to comb them out.

"I smell pancakes for someone's special day," called a jovial voice. Uncle Sirius appeared in the doorway. Harry's Uncle or Godfather looked impeccable as usual. Sirius Black's ebony hair was silky and smooth looking though he'd just awoken, his dark gold skin seemed to shimmer, and his mocha colored eyes were alight with mischief as usual.

"Dad keeps dropping things," Harry whispered to Sirius.

"Oh, does he," Sirius's tone sounded amused, but his eyes relayed a different feeling. Harry was wondering if there was something being kept from him.

"I don't think he got much sleep last night, crying over losing that Quidditch match last night," Sirius nudged Harry and winked.

"I heard that Padfoot!" A snap from James came from the kitchen. Harry grinned. Him and Sirius had beaten Uncle Remus and his father yesterday. Of course you couldn't play an official game with four people, but Harry and Sirius had scored the most goals in their makeshift arena in the backyard. Harry couldn't wait to play official games at Hogwarts. He wanted to try out for Seeker, since that's what he was best at, but he'd be happy with any position. Of course he'd be in Gryffindor, like both his Uncles, his father, and his mother.

A few moments past and heavy footsteps were heard on the stairs. Remus came down yawning spectacularly. He brushed at his eyes, and when he saw Harry he tousled his hair fondly.

"Big day today huh?" He asked as he plopped down in his chair.

"Yes!" Harry said excitedly, his stomach growling.

"Now remember Harry, if you don't get sorted into Gryffindor, we _will_ be sending you a howler directly," Sirius said piously. Remus socked his friend in the shoulder.

"Yes Harry, please keep that in mind," James added, making an effort to sound strict, as he placed the pancakes on the table. Though, James didn't look too frightening standing there with his hands on his hips, and his apron on backwards.

"Oh, stop it," Remus demanded. "Harry they're only joking, we shall be happy no matter what house you are in."

"As long as it's not Slytherin," Sirius muttered. Harry didn't think he'd meant for him to hear it, but he had. He had no doubt in his mind that his father and Uncles' would be rather disappointed if he did get sorted into Slytherin, though Uncle Sirius would be the only one who would dare say anything about it. Sirius still clung to the some of the immaturity of his teen years, even through all the tragedy he'd experienced.

As they ate they discussed how Harry's first day would most likely go. They'd long ago described the teachers. They all were having a swell time until an owl dove in the open window. In the large owl's talons was a bouquet of flowers. It wasn't Hedwig, Harry's snowy owl, but an owl Harry had never seen.

The bouquet was dropped in James's lap. He stared at them expressionless. His friends and son peered at the flowers. As soon as the group saw the type of flowers they were they all stiffened. It was as if the owl had dropped off a ticking time bomb. The silence was deafening. No one spoke.

"Fuck!" James hissed under his breath. Remus and Sirius looked at one another worriedly.

"Um Harry, how about you go double check that you've placed everything we need by the front door," Remus said kindly. Harry, still being young and at the age where seeing your parents break down is one of the worst things you can experience, was more than happy to vacate the premises.

Harry raced up the stairs, but Uncle Remus was much too thorough, he'd forgotten nothing. Harry turned slowly, hoping he could somehow drag out his decent down the stairs. He hung on the last step, listening to the conversation in the kitchen.

"Who are they from?" Sirius asked quietly.

"Anonymous," A gruff voice, that sounded nothing like Harry's father answered the question.

"I can't tell if it's a cruel joke, or an actual attempt at kindness," Sirius mused, turning the flowers over in his hands. Harry knew the answer to that, it had to be the first one. Anyone who knew his father knew he hated those damn flowers. Lilys were not permitted anywhere near the house. Once a woman who'd visited had worn a lily in her hair, and James had practically thrown her out. Remus had been left to apologize and explain about Harry's mother. Remus's girlfriend Tonks, made sure she never wore anything that depicted the flower, in fact she stayed away from wearing the scent as well. Harry thought that was very kind of her, though he didn't know if his father would even know the smell, but perhaps he would. Another time the neighbours had planted some lilies in their garden, the next day they'd been scorched to ash. Harry had no doubt it was his father's work, or maybe Sirius's for his father's benefit.

It was almost the same with red hair. James had taken quite a long time to be able to visit the Weasley's with Harry. When he did come, he was a bit cold to their youngest, Ginny. Ginny was the only daughter of Arthur and Molly, and unfortunately the young child reminded James a bit too much of his late wife in her Hogwarts years. He'd been dealing with it little by little, he was no longer so reclusive, and rude about things. However, since he tended to hide his emotions, sometimes he was just set off like this by something that reminded him of Harry's mother.

"I'm so sorry James," Remus was saying quietly. "You really didn't need this today, I know that."

"Is there anything we can do to-" Sirius began.

"No!" James spat meanly, and Harry was surprised. He'd never heard his father talk that way to his friend.

"No, there's nothing you can do! There's nothing anyone can do!" James's voice was ragged like he'd been screaming for hours. "Because she's gone, and she's never coming back! Do you know how it feels?" He begged.

"It feels like half of my beating heart was ripped in half, and no matter what I do, no matter how long it's been, the pain won't go away. I can't even see these bloody flowers without breaking down, and it's been so long!"

"I know James," Remus's voice was sad as well.

"No you don't! No one understand how I feel, no one knew her like I did!"

"We aren't claiming-" Sirius tried to say gently.

"You know the worst part?" His voice was breaking now, the anger was draining, and sadness was filtering in the cracks.

"Dreaming about her. I close my eyes, and I see hers, I hear her voice, and I feel her skin again, and I'm in heaven. I can't think of anything that could feel better, and I'm so happy to just sit with her in a dream. Then I wake up, and this crippling sadness washes over me, I can't stand it. I always think I won't make it, that I can't possibly go through one more day without her, but then of course, I do. I struggle through another day without her laugh, without her smile, and I feel my heart break at the thought that I'll have to do this for the rest of my life."

Harry's heart squeezed painfully. What was his father saying? He'd heard of some people so depressed after the death of a spouse that they actually took their own life. Could that be what his father meant? That he wanted to meet up with Lily sooner than the world had planned.

"What do you mean James," Sirius said harshly, obviously thinking the same as Harry. "You've got Harry."

"I know," James sighed. "And I love him with all my heart, I could never leave him, but today he'll be going to Hogwarts. He'll be gone most of the year, and before I know it, he'll be done school, and moved out. Mooney you're already planning to propose to Tonks, and I'm happy, but then you'll be gone as well. Of course with Padfoots looks, he'll be off soon too. Don't think I don't know you want kids Sirius, you've only not been looking for a girl for my sake. Then everyone will be gone, and I'll have to face the Lillyless days alone. I just don't know if I'll be able to face that if just these flowers are making me want to rip my skin off."

"We know it hurts,and we'll always be here if you need us, no matter where we live" Remus said gently. "Maybe you need to talk about it more, you hardly ever say a word about it, you never cry. You've tried so hard to be strong, but everyone needs to mourn outwardly as well as inwardly or you'll go insane."

Harry found himself nodding along. He'd never known his mother, and he felt the pain of that everyday. His father had known her, it must be a thousand times more difficult for him. Harry peeked at his father from behind the wall. James was furiously ripping apart the flowers.

"It hurts so much!" He practically screamed. "She isn't fucking here to see her own son's first day of school! She would love to be here so much, it isn't fair!"

Harry saw his Uncle's pating his father's back, and nodding along. Harry looked closer, and saw Sirius's eyes were red, Remus was sniffing heavily, and both had shimmering tears falling down their cheeks. Harry had never considered they might miss his mother too. They all were good friends, but Harry, being only eleven, hadn't considered the pain of his mother's death so widespread.

"Dad," Harry said ever so softly, and his father looked up. Such emotion was pretty rare in this makeshift family. Remus, considering his monthly affliction, had learned long ago to not let his emotions control him. Sirius had always covered his sadness with humor, and sarcasm. James had been pretty carefree until the death of his wife, after that he'd tried to hide everything for Harry's sake. Harry, matching their example, usually hid emotions as well, however, now, he did not feel odd at all about running to his father, and throwing his arms around him.

James responded immediately by pulling Harry as close to him as possible. The two Potter boys then let themselves cry over a red haired girl. Lily was not forgotten, and finally James was learning it was okay to acknowledge her in tears.

"We've better get going," Remus said softly. The group picked themselves up, and straightened their outfits. They cleared their throats and rubbed their eyes. They felt slightly better, like their heads were clearer.

James then did something none of them expected him to do. He picked up the pieces of the Lily's and found one that wasn't destroyed, but just a bit mashed. He closed his eyes for a moment, and took a breath. He then turned to Harry and smiled.

"I think it's time you officially became a Marauder, there should always be four. When Peter left, Lily became one, and there hasn't been that fourth member for a long time."

Harry was grinning from ear to ear, he'd always admired his father's group, and their nicknames. He was so happy to be able to finally be accepted into the tradition. Sirius and Remus were smiling proudly. Everyone looked much happier.

"If you want, you can have the same name as your mother," James offered.

"What was it?" Harry asked, in a whisper, because he assumed this was sacred.

"Greeny," James's mouth turned up into a grin, obviously remembering a moment with his mother. "Because of her eyes."

"Yeah, I think I want her name," Harry said beaming.

"Then," James said in a powerful voice. "I hereby dub thee, Greeny," James announced, and placed the Lily in Harry's robes. The three men then bowed to Harry.

"The lily's for luck," James said as he came up, and winked at his son. Harry's smile couldn't be wider.

"Will you change the name on the map to Greeny?" Harry asked.

"How 'bout it guys?" James asked.

"Padfoot approves," Sirius's gruff voice said jovially.

"And Mooney will go get it and change it right now," Remus smiled.

Eventually the group made their way to Kings Cross Station, where Harry would leave on The Hogwarts Express. Since they'd been all cried out earlier that morning, the last moments at the station were nothing but fun. Sirius transformed into his dog self and ran around happily, licking Ron and Harry.

"Alright Sirius," James said jovially. "Harry's got to get on the train sometime." Sirius whimpered and lowered his tail. In another moment he was a human again, ruffling Harry's hair.

"Right you are Prongs old boy," Sirius's bark of a laugh startled some of the students nearby.

"Here Harry," Remus said quietly. "I've changed it, I hope it can help you navigate Hogwarts a little, there are many ways to get lost." The young man winked, and Harry grinned mischievously, and in that moment he looked more like James than ever. He tapped the map with his wand and said "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

The blank piece of parchment soon revealed writing which said " _Messrs Moony, Greeny, Padfoot, and Prongs, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers, are proud to present, THE MARAUDER'S MAP_ " Harry gazed at his new nickname happily. He thanked his Uncle, and was about to close the map with the small saying, when Ron saw it.

"Blimey Harry," Ron said in an awed voice. "Is that Hogwarts?" He grabbed the map and stared at it more closely while Harry grinned.

"Look!" Ron pointed at the parchment. "There's secret passageways on here, oh Fred and George would love this."

"Yeah I know," Harry said a bit darkly. "So we've got to be quiet about it, okay Ron?" Ron nodded solemnly.

"Mischief Managed," Harry muttered, and stuffed the paper in his pocket. Just after he'd done this the train whistled, signaling that it was time to board.

"Come on Harry," James said grinning.

"Goodbye dad," Harry said a bit glumly.

"Don't be sad Harry, you're going to have a wonderful time at Hogwarts," He grinned and ruffled Harry's hair.

"Make sure you cause a bit of trouble though, wouldn't want people thinking we'd raised you proper," Sirius was grinning.

"Harry, I know you'll have a grand time, and remember letters every week," Remus smiled.

"Goodbye," Harry said again, and ran after Ron to board the train. He sighed happily as he opened a compartment and sat with Ron. He watched as Sirius turned into a dog again, and he and his two friends ran after the train for as far as they could waving. Harry waved back, black locks blowing in his face, his cheeks aching from grinning, and a content feeling in his body. He was so happy he had his dad, and Sirius, and Remus, he didn't know what he'd do without them


	3. Both

**A/N: IT'S BEEN SO LONG I'M SO SORRY. Look I don't want to be that person who makes tons of excuses, but I have a tumblr I write for very often, I have request for stories on here, and also I have a real life book I'm writing so sometimes I don't get around to everything. Everytime I think of this fic I feel guilty as heck because I haven't done the last chapter yet. The main reason I've been putting it off, is that it wasn't originally my idea to do a third chapter. It was requested, so I didn't have as much inspiration I guess. I'm happy to finally have this done so it doesn't eat away at my mind anymore. You all have been marvelous for waiting. Thank you for any kind comments, you all are lovely.**

"Harry James Potter," Lily called up the stairs to Harry. "You had better get up this instant if you want any breakfast."

Harry realized that those voices that had been calling to him in his dreams had most likely been his mother's voice entering his subconscious. He stared at the ceiling of his cozy house in Godric's Hollow, and tried to orient himself after the deep sleep he'd been under. What was today? Think…..

Hogwarts! Today was the very first day of Hogwarts, the day his whole life had been leading up to. Now that he remembered properly, he bounded out of bed, and grabbed his clothes, shoving them on at lightning speed. He grabbed his new pair of round rimmed glasses, pushed them onto his face, and looked in the mirror.

He was eleven years old, and proud of it. His hair was wild, and sticking up all over the place, just like his father's. Nothing he did could tame it, but he didn't much mind, he adored his father, and wanted to be like him in any way possible. His eyes were almond shaped, and green like his mother's. He quite liked his eyes, and though they didn't function quite as well as he would've liked in the sight department, he did enjoy their color. The green reminded him of the grass in an enchanted field, or a Quidditch pitch.

Harry had been unpacking and repacking, not able to decide what to bring and what not to bring. He already had his books, cloak, and other needed items. He even had an owl. She was snowy owl, with huge gorgeous eyes, and the softest, pure white feathers.

Harry jumped on his broomstick and zoomed down the stairs to the breakfast table, nearly missing his father, who was also disheveled, and coming down to the breakfast table. James laughed as Harry jumped off the stick and into his seat, but Lily placed her hands on her hips, and tapped her foot.

"No broomsticks in the house," Lily said angrily.

"Come on Lily, it is his first day of school, he's excited," James said, stuffing eggs in his mouth.

Harry stared at his parents, and suddenly felt his excitement twist in his stomach. It didn't take long for his heart to fill with panic. He was nervous about so many things, but one in particular.

"Mom," Harry said nervously. "What if I don't get into Gryffindor."

"Harry, it doesn't matter, we won't love you any less if you are in any other house," Lily said kindly, kissing Harry's forehead.

"But it'll be breaking tradition," Harry said quietly, noticing his father hadn't spoken. He knew houses mattered much more to his father, than his mother. His mother, he knew, would not care if he were in Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, or even Slytherin. His father might say it would be okay, but Harry had always been frightened that he would disappoint his father in some way.

"Harry, it doesn't matter," Lily tried to say gently.

"Dad," Harry's hands nervously fiddleded in his lap. He couldn't make eye contact with James. He tried to hard to be good like his father, but he was worried. Both his parents had been in Gryffindor, his Uncles Sirius and Remus were both in Gryffindor. Harry's other relatives were muggles, so every family member he knew that had gone to Hogwarts, had been in Gryffindor.

"Harry," James was kneeling beside his son.

"I will not be disappointed if you aren't in Gryffindor, I will love you the same no matter where the hat puts you. I know this is very scary, but one thing you don't have to be scared about, is whether or not me and your mother will still love you."

"But if I'm in Slytherin," Harry mused. "I'm bound to be a bad wizard, everyone in Slytherin goes dark, I heard Uncle Sirius say so."

Lily mumbled something under her breath, and puffed out a frustrated breath of air. She too kneeled down in front of her son, so she could meet his eyes.

"Your Uncle is dramatic, what he said isn't true at all," Lily said.

"But, what about Severus," Harry mumbled. Harry saw his mother's face pale considerably. The name Severus Snape was one that was only ever said in a hushed voice, behind doors that James and Lily thought their son couldn't hear through. Over the course of his life, Harry had learned that his parents had tried to shield him from a lot of secrets, and one of those was about this man named Snape. From what Harry had picked up on through the years, Snape had used to be a friend of his mothers, until he'd turned into a dark wizard. He'd been in love with Lily, and had tried to sell Harry and his father to someone named Voldemort, in order to save Lily. However, something had happened, Harry wasn't sure what, that had made Voldemort disappear. Harry assumed Voldemort had been a very bad wizard, but he knew little else about the man whose name was spoken with such fear.

All his life, Harry had been sheltered, and he knew this. There were looks, hand signals, key words that his parents used when someone got too near a subject they didn't want Harry knowing about. He wasn't sure why they treated him so much like a baby, and he was afraid it was because maybe they were disappointed in him. Maybe he wasn't the strong Gryffindor son they'd wanted. In his worst nightmares, Harry dreamt that he was placed in Slytherin, and his parents shipped him off to live with his muggle relatives so he wouldn't turn into a dangerous dark wizard.

His muggle relatives, which he'd only met a total of five times in his entire life, actively hated him. His cousin Dudley had been praised for sitting on him when they'd tried to do Christmas together one year. After that, Lily had said cut them out of her life almost completely.

"How do you know that name?" Lily asked, still pale.

"I've heard you talking about him," Harry admitted. "He was your friend, he was nice, but then he went into Slytherin, and he turned awful."

"Harry, anyone, despite their house, can be a dark wizard," James said solemnly. "I know we have kept a lot from you in your life, and you'll probably have to learn about some of those things this year, but we shouldn't make you feel like all Slytherins are bad."

"And not all Gryffindors are good," Lily piped up.

"Harry, I had a good friend once, and he turned out to be an despicable person," James told his son. "He was a Gryffindor, and he was loyal to dark magic."

"Harry, there are many good Slytherins, Andromeda Tonks, Horace Slughorn-"

"I don't know who those people are," Harry said dismally.

"How about Merlin," James offered.

"Merlin was a Slytherin, _the_ Merlin?" Harry asked, green eyes wide.

"Oh dear, James, we really haven't set a good example for him," Lily said.

"Don't worry, he'll learn, we have to learn to put our prejudices aside," James said. "That goes for you too, I don't care what house you are in, no judging based on house, or blood."

"I know that," Harry rolled his eyes. His own mother was muggle-born, he would never judge based on blood.

"Will Uncle Sirius hate me if I'm not in Gryffindor?" Harry asked.

"Uncle Sirius has a hard time with Slytherins, because his family wasn't very kind to him because of his house."

Harry stayed silent. He couldn't imagine his Uncle being nearly as proud of him if he weren't sporting that gold and scarlet. Harry just wanted his family to be proud of him. He'd been a golden child all his life. He was good at Quidditch, he was an only child who was doted on by his parents. His family was very well off, and from a young age, though he wasn't allowed to use it yet, he seemed to have a knack for magic. He was facing the idea of losing all of this, of becoming a disgrace.

Just then, the door burst open. Two men entered the room. One, tall, dark, and handsome, the other much more plain, and tired looking. It was Harry's Uncle's, Sirius, and Remus.

"Happy Hogwarts Day!" Sirius said loudly, blowing a muggle instrument that Harry thought was called a kazoo. Despite the serious nature of the conversation, Harry couldn't help but grin as two of his favorite people entered the house.

"You guys are coming to see me off?" Harry asked.

"We wouldn't miss it for the world Harry," Remus said gently. "We've even made you a care package."

Harry could easily tell which man had contributed which items just by a cursory glance over the basket. Chocolate, that would be from Uncle Remus. 'Never-ending ink' quills, extra owl treats, a Chudley Cannons poster, and spello tape, would also all be from Remus. The broom service kit, book of dueling spells for first-years, rubber chicken, and pin flashing the dirty joke were obviously from Sirius. There was also a thick, folded piece of parchment paper that appeared to be blank in the basket. Harry wondered if they'd left that in by accident.

"Thank God you are all here, we have to go soon," Lily said, brow still furrowed from their previous conversation.

"Let's get a move on," James said, summoning Harry's suitcase from upstairs.

"How are you feeling Harry," Remus asked, while Harry's parents grabbed the last few things they needed, and got on their coats.

"Sick," Harry said honestly.

"Why my boy," Sirius said with a roguish beam on his face. "You should be thrilled, you are about to enter the best years of your life!"

"But, what if I'm not in Gryffindor," Harry said.

"Of course you'll be in Gryffindor!" Sirius laughed, but Remus elbowed him.

"Harry, it doesn't matter, everyone will love you the same no matter what house you go into," Remus said.

"Right you are my furry friend," Sirius added, and grinned at Harry.

"What if I'm in Slytherin and I go dark," Harry shivered. Remus and Sirius looked at one another.

"Harry, turning to dark magic isn't something that just happens to someone, you have to make a series of choices," Remus said logically.

"But, Mom's friend, Severus, he was a good person, but then he went into Slytherin, and he turned out horrible," Harry said. Remus's eyes grew sad, and Sirius's face turned a bit angry.

"Harry, that wasn't _because_ of Slytherin, it was because of the choices he made, and the friends he decided to associate with," Remus tried to explain.

"We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are," Sirius said slowly, looking Harry in the eyes. This, for some reason, made Harry feel better than any advice so far. It was okay for him to make mistakes, if ultimately, he was choosing good, and he was.

"Thanks, Uncle Sirius," Harry said.

"Let's head off!" Lily said, grabbing ahold of her sons hand. Harry hated apparating, but it was a necessary evil sometimes. He'd much rather be on a broom, but that wasn't always a possibility.

Once at the station, Harry noticed so many people he knew. He found Ron right away, who was chatting with a girl who had huge hair. Ron didn't look too pleased with the conversation, but the girl, who was named Hermione, seemed ecstatic to be talking to someone about Hogwarts.

"Do you ever stop talking?" Ron asked suddenly, and Hermione looked angry, and was about to retort, when the train station grew all but silent. An aura of reverence seemed to hang in the air. Harry, Ron, and Hermione tried to stand on tip toe to see what was causing the wide-spread silence.

It was just a boy, a small, rather pudgy boy, with blonde hair. When the boy looked up Harry noticed two things about him. One, he looked painfully aware of everyone's eyes, and like he wished the earth would swallow him up. Second, on his forehead, was an odd scar, in the shape of a lightning bolt.

"Who is that?" Harry asked.

"That is Neville Longbottom," Hermione said in an awe-struck whisper.

"Who?" Harry asked.

"He is the one who ended the Dark Lord," Hermione informed him.

"The Dark Lord?" Harry asked. "I've heard my parents talking about him."

"Well they would, wouldn't they, everyone knows about Neville Longbottom, and the Dark Lord."

"Is the Dark Lord the same as Voldemort?" asked Harry, and about twenty people looked at him and gasped.

"Why would you say that?" Ron snapped.

"Am I not supposed to?" asked Harry.

"No, my parents told me to never say that name," Ron said, eyes still bulging at Harry's nieviety.

"My parents don't tell me much," Harry shrugged.

"Neville defeated the Dark Lord, when he was only a baby," Hermione told the two boys. "He is the only person to ever survive the killing curse."

"He looks sad," Harry observed.

"Well, he would be, both his parents were killed that night," Ron said darkly.

"We should ask him to sit with us on the train," Hermione said suddenly.

" _Us_ ," Ron said indignantly. "Who invited you?"

"Obviously, I'm sitting with you," she rolled her eyes, and began to walk towards Neville.

"Who does she think she is?" Ron asked in awe. Harry shrugged.

"I think it is a good idea," Harry said, and went to follow Hermione. Ron reluctantly followed.

"Hello, I'm Hermione Granger," Hermione put her brown hand out to Neville. Neville looked frightened, but shook her hand.

"I'm Harry," Harry said, trying to smile in a non-threatening way, Neville just looked so scared.

"I'm Ron Weasley," Ron's freckled hand was now out too, and Neville looked overwhelmed.

"N-Neville Longbottom," he finally said.

"Want to sit with us on the train?" Ron asked. Neville slowly turned to Ron, mouth hanging open in shock.

"I've got money for the trolley," Harry offered when Neville didn't answer.

"Brilliant," Ron answered, though Harry had been speaking to Neville.

"Come on, the train is about to leave," Hermione said hurriedly, and to the trio's surprise, Neville seemed to shake away the cobwebs, and followed them to the train.

"Bye mum, bye dad, bye Uncle Sirius, bye Uncle Remus!" Harry called from the window as the train began to roll away. Sirius turned into a dog, and some people cheered. He barked happily.

"Bye Harry, we love you!" Lily called.

"Tell everyone hi from us!" Lupin called.

"Don't forget to talk to the Head of the Quidditch team, putting in a word early can never hurt!" James shouted.

"I will!" Harry called. Harry felt full of happiness. He had a family who loved him, and would probably write him every week. He had money for chocolate frogs, and a best friend to come along on this adventure, plus two new friends.

Harry stared at Neville's scar, and got a very odd feeling. He felt like something could have been very different in his life. For a moment, he pictured himself as Neville, shrinking into his seat, in awe of what surrounded him, and looking like he hadn't been hugged his entire life. Harry thanked God that no matter what house he landed in, he had parents who would love him no matter what. He didn't have to worry about anything.


End file.
